It is one thing to fall in love but another thing to stay in love. However, the most difficult part is the ability to bounce back after breaking up with the person you really loved or cared deeply for. That’s why today we want to share some of our best tips on how to move on after a breakup.
Whenever you fall for someone, it’s always a great memory to recall. The tender feelings, the excitement, the butterflies in the stomach, the romance, the intimacy, the synergy, the you-hang-up-first …everything.
Due to the strong physical and emotional connection that has been built over time between the two partners, it’s often a heart-breaking experience to go separate ways.
However, for a beautiful relationship to come to an end, something serious must have caused it. A lot must have gone wrong between the couple; perhaps too many fights and clashes of interests, cheating and counter-cheating, emotional blackmail, toxicity, long-term resentment that has been bottled up, and above all, irreconcilable differences.
The post-breakup life experience is really tough and the healing process of a broken heart is quite slow and painful. You literally feel lonely, rejected, embarrassed, empty, and worthless. In most cases, your self-esteem is deeply affected. You also end up not believing in yourself, and sometimes, shortly afterward, depression sets in.
Moreover, if these feelings are left unchecked, you might even start having suicidal thoughts. If you are passing through some of these horrible situations due to a recent breakup, and you are reading this article (well, you’re obviously reading this), then you’re in the right direction towards a remedy.
How To Move On After A Breakup
Passing through a breakup is a transition. You need to follow certain guidelines in order not to make mistakes during such a critical period.
In this post, I will be letting you in on some tips that will help you to bounce back to your normal self and move on after a breakup.
1. Don’t Fight It… Grieve
Yes, it is a very painful feeling. But don’t fight it. It’s normal to feel hurt after a breakup. It’s okay to cry. It is actually okay to prefer being left alone. Those tears are part of your recovery process. So allow them to flow.
One thing people fail to understand is that grieving is not a weakness. It’s only a means to recover from a sad experience. It only becomes a weakness when you fail to recover from a setback.
You can only shed tears when you grieve, and can only grieve when you accept the fact that you’re hurt. However, after that sorrowing comes laughter. Because you’re definitely going to get better and move on with life. That, of course, is the true definition of strength.
As a matter of fact, even if you’ve never shed tears, but you find it impossible to realize that it’s over, and you find it almost unthinkable to move on after a breakup; that is a typical instance of weakness.
In case you missed it, it takes a whole lot of strength to move on after a breakup. And such strength can only be generated after you’ve accepted your fate, wept, and wiped off your tears.
So, if you’ve been plunged into sorrow due to your recent breakup, don’t fight those tears, allow them to run down your face if you need to. This way, you will heal and get stronger.
2. Let It Out
At the initial stages (after the breakup), you might have cried so much that you never spoke to anyone about it. However, after a couple of weeks, you have to talk to someone about it. Let it out. Stop bottling it up so you don’t sink into depression.
Talking to your family, a counsellor, or any trusted friend about the breakup is also a way of overcoming that pain. Tell them exactly how you feel. Be honest about it. Voice it out from the deepest part of your heart. Disclose to them the good, the bad, and the ugly. Leave no stone unturned.
By the time you are done letting it out, you will feel much more relieved of the pain.
Besides, that trusted ally of yours (parent, sibling, or close friend), whom you were able to open up to might end up suggesting useful ideas to you – which will help you bounce back from those sad moments.
Plus, your close friend might have experienced and overcame a breakup once or twice. So, they are actually in a good position to counsel you on how to deal with the situation.
In case you can’t rely on any friend, family, or relative, you can confide in a professional counsellor – they’re always willing to listen to you and will help you get through tough situations such as this.
3. Don’t Be Too Hard On Yourself Or Anybody Else
The trauma of a sudden breakup can be very intense. We often find it difficult to deal with. For that reason, you might beat yourself up and blame yourself for everything that happened.
But hold up. Were you actually at fault or are you just being too hard on yourself? Now, here is the reality; often, breakups happen because the relationship could actually never be saved.
So, it’s simply not your fault. Remember, we all deserve to be happy in a relationship. But then, were you happy in that relationship? Before the breakup, when last did you hear your ex’s voice and smile? When last did you get to cuddle with them, listen to their heartbeat, and say a few lovely words into their ears?
If you and your ex were no longer happy in the relationship, there was obviously no need to continue being in such a relationship and it’s not your fault that things went downhill. So, stop blaming yourself. Really. Stop.
Nevertheless, while you are not expected to be too hard on yourself, you should not be too hard on your ex as well.
If you really want to move on, you must avoid blame games entirely. Just take the situation as it is. Suppress the urge to blame your ex, yourself, or any other person. Focus your energy on moving on. That’s the best you can do at this point.
4. Learn From That Sad Experience
Another step in the right direction is to learn from the experience – no matter how painful it is. You should be able to know the things you did or said (during the relationship) that you’re proud of and the ones you’re not so proud of.
Recall what felt really good about the relationship and also what felt so horrible that it probably led to the breakup.
Learn from everything that happened; the romance, the sweet words, the conflicts, and the fights – then focus on the present moment. Don’t act like it never happened, own up to the experience and learn from it.
If you learn from your past, and correct your mistakes now, the future will be better.
5. Focus On Yourself – Improve!
Give yourself some time before thinking of a new relationship. Create some harmony within your inner self. Do something positive for yourself. Improve yourself in any possible way. Grow. Get smarter.
Enroll in a professional course. Acquire new skills. Focus on your career. Boost your career and take it to a greater height. Work on your physical appearance. Hit the gym. Dress well. Get even more attractive.
As a matter of fact, if you focus on yourself and develop yourself in any possible way, your self-esteem will simply increase. Your self-worth will be heightened. You will appreciate yourself more and be happier.
And as a result, you will have little or no reason to keep thinking of your previous failed relationship. You’ll be far too busy with yourself, your business, your career, and your general growth.
As you continue to focus on yourself, over time, you will only look back and see how far you’ve moved on. Those sad memories will simply be history.
6. Meet New People
Perhaps that relationship felt like a cage. This is especially if your ex was the type that was clingy and overprotective in a way that was actually unhealthy.
As is common in many relationships, perhaps your ex gave you little breathing space, and so you barely had the opportunity to see what the world was like outside the relationship.
Well, now that you’ve both gone your separate ways, you have the opportunity to go into the world and meet new people. This gives you the opportunity not to think about your ex because your new friends should occupy your mind.
That’s a good way to take advantage of a painful breakup and benefit from it. And the fact is, you will feel happier when you meet new people and make quality friends.
It always feels good to be free after all!
7. But Then, Take It Slow
True, you will gain a lot from meeting new people and socializing with friends after a breakup. But, you have to take it slow. Do it with caution and rationality.
Don’t just go around talking randomly to everybody you see. Don’t just start flirting with anyone you meet simply because you are free to do so!
If you go overboard with socializing, you will appear desperate – and that’s a major turn off. Honestly, you don’t want to be seen that way. You don’t want to be that desperate person.
Once you appear desperate, people will definitely take you for granted. And any relationship you build with someone who thinks you’re desperate will likely be a total mess because they will reduce you to nothing and assume full supremacy and command over you.
To avoid walking into another bad relationship after escaping from one, you have to take everything slowly. Remember, you must not appear desperate. However, I’m not saying you should start playing hard-to-get. That’s not the best either.
You just have to relax, enjoy yourself, and remain approachable. Soon, you’ll attract lots of reasonable friends – and in the end, you’ll be in the position to choose who you really want to roll with.
8. Don’t Wait Or Expect Them To Come Back
This is one mistake many people make that makes it harder for them to move on after a breakup – they keep waiting and hoping for their ex to come back and apologize.
Now, let me ask; do you really want to move on?
If your intention is really to move on, then you should avoid dragging yourself back into thinking about your ex. You shouldn’t expect them to realize their mistakes because they might not – and such expectations will end up causing you more heartaches.
In fact, even in general life, having unnecessary expectations is the major reason we get disappointed.
Moving on after a breakup is truly difficult, but you will make it even more complicated for yourself if you still have certain expectations from your ex. You need to forget everything about them if you must move on.
Here are some tips that will help you to forget about your ex:
- Delete their contact details from your phone so you don’t get tempted to call them. Also, deleting their contact will ensure you don’t see their updates.
- Delete all previous chats or text messages from them.
- Discard “certain” gifts that bring back memories.
- Delete all their pictures and those you took with them.
- Delete their favorite songs from your phone.
It might be a little difficult to jettison some of these things that bring back your ex’s memories (I’m lying, it will be very difficult)… but, that’s the sacrifice you must make in order to fully move on with your life.
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So, getting over your ex is hard but also very possible. You just have to stay positive and embrace whatever makes you happy.
Above all, try to actually practice the tips discussed above. It’s not enough to read and nod, you have to be intentional about moving on. The truth is that it will take time… but in the end, you’ll be alright.
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